One Step At A Time

In some form of silent rebellion i had walked away. Minute fears loomed large like they were reality. My faith could not see beyond my not so chubby nose and i figured the best way was to walk away.

Then i walked away from blogging as though to hibernate, wishing some magic would happen and i would switch to auto-blogging mode... but no, seconds turned to days, days to weeks and weeks to months... and i feel bad about it.

In the same vein i quit talking to Him seriously. I figured He would understand, I used 'busy' as an excuse but for how long can I run?

It's called backsliding. I like it or not. When one hour of prayer reduces to 10 minutes, when the day begins and ends without acknowledging His presence or His input, when the word comes to mind with some difficulty and resounds vaguely in the extreme corners of one's mind, when the former seems greater than the latter... Yes, it's called backsliding.

Well, the false calm broke when i traveled through Jo'burg and my box was delayed. I got the box 3 days after with nothing left in it but a pair of jeans and winter jacket, tiny little accessories as toothpaste and tracts (I wondered why the kleptomaniac didn't just clear it all). Every other thing was stolen. All my dear tops and shirts packed into the box, lovely pair of trouser, cosmetics, shoe and slippers... every other item, some I'm still trying to recall.

I sat down in the room staring at this empty box, with several thoughts racing through my mind:

- Be happy the thief has stolen all your problems, it has been exchanged for something worse maybe
- The thief was really in need, so you helped out the person somehow
- The hedge is broken, that is why the serpent could bite...
- My words had just played out. (I had actually said, "I don't care what they steal inside, they should just bring back my box!") Can't believe i actually said that.
- Pray for the person

I didn't know what to pray for person. Vacillating between anger and forgiveness i wondered what to pray. Should the thief be so cursed that they will never steal again? Should the stolen items be tools of evangelism to the person? Should i just forget about this incidence and move on?

Whatever the answer was I knew it was time to drift back to grace. How grace could have prevented this, how grace could have warned ahead of time, how grace could have hidden the box from evil eyes, how grace could have...

"Dear God, all we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way. Please restore to me and everyone else in need, your grace to survive in this present world. Father forgive and help with your Holy Spirit for me to stay in the centre of your presence every single day. Thank you Jesus."